Simple and Clean is truly magical because never before has a song made me so emotional while making the least amount of sense imaginable
i’ve never seen any nsfw jaime reyes stuff but i can only hope that people are including the scarab in all of his sexual encounters. i mean.
he’s on the receiving end of hickeys??? “JAIME REYES, TEETH ARE BEING BARED DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE SUPERIOR VENA CAVA. PROCEED WITH CAUTION; PROTECT THE JUGULAR AND PULSE POINTS. RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION: IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.”
his partner takes off their clothes??? “JAIME REYES, THE ADVERSARY HAS SHED OUTER PROTECTION AND IS NOW RENDERED AT LEAST 16% MORE VULNERABLE. UPDATING WEAK POINTS.”
jaime tries to dirty talk??? “JAIME REYES, THE CURRENT METHOD OF SEXUAL STIMULATION IS DEEMED UNWISE. STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, THE MAJORITY OF HUMANS ARE UNLIKELY TO REACH CLIMAX BY BEING SPOKEN AT, REGARDLESS OF VOCAL HUSKINESS.”
jaime’s scarab for world’s worst wingman 2k14
A muggle-born’s sibling sends them a howler in the middle of the school year and it arrives while they eat. When they open it, all it does is simply scream “WHAT TEAM?”. Nearly all the muggle-borns shout “WILDCATS!” before returning to their meal, leaving the pure-bloods in total confusion of what the hell they just witnessed.
Senator: Superheroes have to register their secret identities!
Natasha: There’s six of us. Rogers has a Smithsonian exhibit on him, Stark won’t stop telling the world he’s Iron Man, and for the rest of us, I dumped all of SHIELD’s files on the internet.
Senator: Oh. Right.
Natasha: Oh…and Thor is Thor. That’s his real name. Even if it wasn’t, he might have diplomatic immunity to the Registration Act since his “secret identity” is the crown prince of an alien civilization.
Senator: I get it, I get it.
POST CREDITS SCENE:
(Enter the Senator’s office)
Senator: Well, that was a disaster.
Voice: You think?
Senator: Who is th- Nick Fury?
Nick Fury: I’m here to talk to you about the “Stop Wasting Everyone’s Fucking Time” Initiative.
minimum wage doesn’t even TOUCH a living wage, racism and sexism are alive and well, children are killed in schools on a regular basis, those who make it to college end up with hundreds of thousands in debt, our basic rights are being stripped from us daily, and adults actually believe that SELFIES are the cause for this generation’s demise